Photo Courtesy of:
http://www.laurencemillergallery.com/images/Gutmann_Instant26.jpg
Photo courtesy of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sbh/1278174486/I decided to take the advice of a fellow blogger friend of mine, Rick, who wrote a great post on his blog, Myrtle Beach Ramblings, for this week's Sunday Scribblings prompt: Art.
My favorite art has always been (and will always be) the works created by my two beautiful children. Even though they are now both teenagers, I still enjoy looking back at their art.
A Starry Night ~ By Emilee
Puppet ~ By Josh
Flowers ~ By Emilee
Castle ~By Josh
Catfish ~ By Emilee
Apple Tree ~ By Josh
Someday you will regret this.
She banished the thought.
At 21, her life was already a series of
coulda, shoulda, woulda’s
What's one more?
Nobody knows.
She lied to herself
as she put on red lipstick
and black stilettos.
Just one more semester,
until graduation
and a new life
without poles
dollar bills
or men.
Sitting here banging away on the keyboard, listening to music, sipping my diet Pepsi, it occurs to me, I don’t live a very organic lifestyle. Not organic in the sense of eating natural fruits and veggies, whole wheat pasta and grains, etc. I’m not opposed to any of that. Although, I admit I should try harder to knock out the Oreos, potato chips, and other crap. “Everything in moderation,” so they say.
Back to my point, I think it’s nearly impossible to live a truly organic existence -especially in the U.S.!
Sure, some people have reduced their ‘carbon footprint’ by purchasing eco-friendly cars, eliminating pesticides, using natural fertilizers in their gardens, and using alternative energy sources to heat their homes. But take a tour inside of most American homes, even the solar heated ones, and you’ll likely find more than one television, (we have… um, six …for shame!), more than one computer, (we have four working, and two that we need to recycle), a DVD player or VCR, (we have one of each plus a DVR), a cell phone, (we’ve got six, but two are spares), a radio or Ipod, (ok, four), a video game console, (we have a PS3 and a Wii), and countless other electronic gadgets. Wow! I think it’s time to re-evaluate the need for all of this stuff! What was I saying about moderation?
Other than electronics, there is only one thing (that I care to admit) that am equally dependent on – caffeine – and I know I’m not alone. Need proof? In our town we have three Starbucks within a five-mile radius, with other coffee houses sprinkled in between, and they’re always packed out! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting they close single one (please No!) I’m just saying that people have grown dependent on the stuff. Maybe you could argue that since caffeine is derived from coffee beans, that it is natural and therefore organic. But what about all the processing involved along the way before that 'natural coffee bean' becomes the Vanilla Latte that fills my soul with goodness and warmth? Yum!
How does that saying go? “You can fool some of the people some of the time…” but I’d be fooling myself to think that just because I like to shop at Trader Joe’s and Henry’s that I’m living all green and organic! I’m really no different than the guy who drives a gas-guzzling pickup, smokes a pack of Marlboro’s a day, and eats every meal at McDonalds! Wait, doesn’t McDonalds have organic milk on their menu now? How ironic!
I was only 18 when we got married, actually, I turned 19 the following month. I remember the warm July day as we exchanged our vows outside. We didn't have any guests, just the limo driver who was also our photographer, and by default the witness to our marriage. We didn't write our own vows, simply repeated them as they were read off to us. I don't remember every word, but I know "For Richer or Poorer" was among them. We have experienced both, and I have to say that our 'poorer' days were some of our happiest.
A few years after we wed I was pregnant, and within two years we had two babies. We didn't have much money to buy anything or go anywhere. I was just thankful that Carl's paycheck was enough to afford for me to stay home with the kids. I'm pretty sure we were at, if not below the poverty line for a family of four since we qualified for assistance from sources like WIC.
I learned to stretch a dollar like nobody's business! I remember buying one McDonald's Happy Meal to split between the two kids, with an extra toy. They didn't know the difference, they each got a toy, and none of the food went to waste! I seldom bought myself new clothes unless it was at Dot's where everything was $10 or less. I wasn't ashamed to pick through the racks at the Salvation Army looking for a treasure out of another person's trash. I was also part of a great network of moms with kids at different ages and we would swap clothes and toys so the kids always had new things to play with and gently-worn hand-me-downs. We were happy.
Eventually I went back to work. We both finished up with our Bachelor's degrees, and we now have decent paying jobs in finance. We have an over priced (undervalued) home in Southern California and another in Florida, and four cars to insure. We have two kids going off to college in the next few years, and more expenses than I even care to list. So as far as I'm concerned, there's something to be said for being poorer! I miss the simple times, when half of a Happy Meal with a couple cheap toys would keep two toddlers happy for hours and a quiet dinner with the kids in bed early was the perfect date night.
I believe in the kindness of strangers.
This afternoon I was doing my usual scan of the news on CNN.com, and came across a touching news story about a homeless teenage girl and her mom. Since mid-December, Katy, the teenage daughter has been blogging about her life being homeless. I spent nearly an hour or so reading through her daily posts, and the dozens of comments from strangers. People wrote to offer tips and information regarding resources that could help, others saying they would be praying for them. One person was so moved by their situation that they offered enough money for them to stay in a hotel for a few nights.
At the close of one of her posts, Katy wrote, "Life is kind of a nightmare." I too have uttered something similar many times in my life when I felt like things just weren't going my way. But I know I have never felt the helplessness that she and her mom must have felt sleeping in a car this Christmas. Unfortunately there will likely be many other families and children who find themselves without a roof over their heads in the months to come, with no end to this 'housing crisis' in sight.
But I have faith in God, and I believe in the generosity of humankind. Living in Southern California I have witnessed great tragedy and loss following two catastrophic fires in the past five years, yet I have also been lucky enough to see first hand the kindness and generosity of the people in my community. I believe it's a natural human reaction, call it compassion, to want to help people in time of need.
So, as I've been mulling over my goals (not resolutions!) for 2009, I've decided to put GIVING at the top of my list. While I generally do try to be a generous person, this year I want to make a concerted effort to DO more to help people, like Katy and her mom, who are down on their luck and could use a little help from the kindness of strangers.
Family traditions are funny things. We tend to cling to them as if our celebrations just wouldn’t be the same and not as fun without them. Some traditions become so embedded in family functions that it’s often difficult to separate the tradition from the occasion! Furthermore, if we dare to adopt a new tradition, it better never replace an old ‘tried and true’ one!
Last year, I learned that the hard way!
Every year since I can remember, I have enjoyed pipping hot fried dough for breakfast on Christmas morning. (There's nothing quite like a lump of dough, deep fried in Crisco, and smothered with powered sugar and cinnamon!) Actually, I blame my mother. She started it. I simply carried the tradition on with my own family, and as near as I can tell, it’s not going anywhere. During a recent dinner conversation, both of our teenage kids agreed that the fried dough tradition was their favorite family tradition and therefore one I am sure they will take with them as they start families of their own one day.
Back to last year... it was several days before Christmas, I was doing a little holiday shopping and came across a 'funnel cake making kit'. It came complete with funnel cake mix, a red plastic batter pourer, and tongs for flipping. For whatever reason, I mistakenly (innocently, really) thought it would be a neat ‘spin’ on our fried dough tradition.
I don’t have much of a history with funnel cakes. Growing up in Massachusetts I never even heard of the things before I met my husband.
I really wish I could blame him for everything, but it was me who bought the (dreadful) funnel cake kit and brought it home announcing that for Christmas breakfast we’d be having funnel cakes! Needless to say, the kids were very skeptical, (and of course my husband was thrilled!). After reassuring the kids that funnel cakes “taste just like fried dough” they agreed to give them a try.
The whole thing was a nightmare. The funnel cakes were a spongy consistency (which was an immediate turn-off to the kids) and completely lacked any of the yummy greasy flavor of the fried dough 'tradition' that we all had grown accustomed to.
Everyone was disappointed. Truth be told, I'm not sure if the disappointment was due to our love of the deep fried lump of dough, as much as the tradition of it. But for whatever reason, I have promised my husband and kids that we will not deviate from the 'tried and true' this year and we can all look forward to fried dough on Christmas morning!
To me, the word solace conveys a sense of safety, protection, support, and comfort. It is that special person, place, or thing that reassures us, calms our soul, and puts our troubles and woes back into perspective.
I’ve always been a spiritual person so God, more specifically prayer, is my solace. As a child, my prayers were more or less focused on my wants and needs, with an occasional request to get me out of trouble. Silly me, I would bargain with God, “If you get me out of this one, I promise to be good and do the right thing next time.” I wasn’t trying to test God. I simply knew He had the power to help.
I wonder if God smiles when he hears innocent pleas like that.
As an adult, my prayer-life has matured. I no longer seek to bargain with God, nor do I give him a laundry list of desires. Instead, I like to be quiet in prayer, listening to His still small voice, finding solace in the pureness of a moment in time. God doesn’t always give me the answer I want or expect. He doesn’t always see things my way, in fact, He rarely does. But, He knows what is best for me. He knows my heart, and loves me where I am.
When I need His comforting arms around me, my Solace is always there.
Taken during our vacation in Kauai this past May!
On my way into work this morning, I tuned into to my favorite morning radio show, (Jeff & Jer) and caught the tale end of Jerry talking about this You Tube video of two men who raised a lion cub, which they eventually released into the wild in Africa.
Jerry, an avid animal lover, was choked up as he described the love between the lion and these men. Several listeners called in and described how beautiful the video was. I felt compelled to watch it myself.
Holding back tears, I watched it again and again.
** For you 'doubting Thomas's' out there **
I also checked it out on snopes.com to verify it's authenticity and discovered it is all true! I also learned a few more details about the story.
It has challenged me to think about the people in my life who have come and gone over the years. Some I've reconnected with on vacations, at reunions, over email, etc. Others have moved on permanently, (speaking both literally and figuratively). I miss them all. I can't do anything about those who have passed away, but why do I hold myself back from reconnecting with the ones who have simply drifted away? Fear of rejection? Could be.
I don't have the answer. But I think I'll call an old friend that I haven't spoken to in over 10 years and see what happens! Who knows!
It occurred to me recently, that I have a passion to learn.
There are people; scientists, physicists, engineers, physicians, and others who according to their profession, learn and discover new things every day. I am not one of them.
I don't strive to become an expert in all things, or even one thing! I don’t pretend to know everything about the things that I do know a lot about!
She wasn't the prettiest or the smartest.
She wasn't very good at making new friends.
We lived on a lake, but she didn't like the water much.
Personal hygiene was of little concern to her.
She was awkward and clumsy like a 'bull in a china shop'.
She was great at keeping secrets.
She never disagreed with me.
She was always there.
She knew the meaning of a warm welcome.
She let me cry on her shoulder.
She was a runner.
She hated fireworks and thunderstorms.
She loved the snow, and making snow angels.
She liked leftovers.
She didn't worry about her weight.
She was over-protective at times.
She made me feel safe.
She made me smile.
She made me cry, (the day she died).
She loved me unconditionally.
I found this meme on Granny Smith's blog, it looked like fun so I decided to give it a whirl! The images I chose, based on my answers to the questions below, can be read from left to right in rows.
(Click image to enlarge)
This picture was taken in December 2007.
"Marry your best friend!" was the advice Carl quickly gave at a recent wedding, when asked for the 'key to a long happy marriage'. To many people that may seem like simple advice, but it couldn't be more true. It is without a doubt, what has sustained us through some very trying times; and I'm fairly certain the same is true for our parents!
SO... without further ado, and with much JOY, (and a little pride), I announce to the world that tomorrow, (July 2, 2008), is our 20th wedding anniversary! YAY!!
It seems so surreal when I reflect on our years together... time has gone so fast, yet there were moments when time stood painfully still.
I received a lovely anniversary card from my parents yesterday, (who, oh by the way, are celebrating their 49th anniversary on July 4th! - and are, of course, BEST FRIENDS!). Inside the card, in my mother's beautiful handwriting, was the following:
Where there is no vision, the people perish
Cancer. Say the word and most people immediately think - death sentence. Rightly so, since so many people battle cancer for varying lengths of time: days, weeks, months, years, only to succumb to its fatal grip in the end. Cancer is an unwelcome guest who takes up residence, steals time, robs family, and leaves devastation in its wake. I wish I could write a happy ending – A CURE – for every single cancer diagnosis. But since I can’t do that, I’m going to write about a happy ending with my dear friend Robin who died from cancer eight years ago…
It had been weeks, maybe months, since we had seen each other. I bumped into her on the stairs and we did our usual exchange, ‘Hey you – where have you been? I’ve missed you! Let’s do lunch!’ and rushed off to get to our respective meetings. Every time I looked at her I remember thinking, “She’s so lucky to be blessed with such beautiful skin!” She was one of those people who seemed to glow, literally. She was in her mid-forties, but didn’t look a day over twenty-nine! She had long beautiful brown hair, big green eyes, and an infectious smile that never quit.
We met through a mutual friend a few years earlier. Cindy happened to stop by my desk one morning and casually asked if I had lunch plans. I didn’t. She was going to ‘Thai food’ with a friend and invited me to join them. I never tried it. I was both curious and hungry, so I was in!
Robin sat across the table from me. She was an amazing conversationalist! She asked me a bit about myself, which I was happy to share. And then she asked me when my birthday was. “How odd.” I thought, as I told her, “August 8th.” “Good.” she said, “We’re both Leos! We’ll get along great!” She went on to discuss fire signs and water signs, and lost me somewhere in between. I’ve always been skeptical about horoscopes, but for some strange reason her comment felt like a compliment to me. We became instant friends.
Robin was super-smart. She was an accomplished engineer and proud Smith College alum. (Smith is a prestigious women’s college in central Massachusetts.) She LOVED antiques, teapots, and eBay. In fact, she was the first person to tell me about eBay, and convinced me that I could find anything that I could possibly want there! She was right!
The thing I admired most about Robin was her relationship with her husband David. They were soul-mates and the epitome of pure love. At the time they were working on their dream home in northern Maine. It was a HUGE log cabin on a lake that sat on several acres. (Does it get any more romantic than that??) David was (is) a contractor and I can still visualize the pictures she shared of his handiwork. It was amazing.
A few days after we bumped into each other on the stairs, Robin called me. I was excited when I heard her voice on the other end, hopeful that we could arrange a lunch date soon. This time her voice sounded different. “I have some bad news.” She said. My heart sank trying to imagine what on earth she would say next. “I have lung cancer.” She continued. “I never smoked a day in my life, not even in college!” she laughed a little as she said it. I was silent. She filled the void. “I’m a fighter, and this thing is not going to get me. I am going to beat this!” She was so convincing, I wholeheartedly believed her! Stumbling for the right words, I told her that if anyone could beat it, I was certain she would.
Robin spent months undergoing radiation and chemotherapy treatments. She refused to see anyone. She didn’t want us to see her looking sick. I was devastated thinking that the last time I would see her alive was the day on the stairs when we hurriedly said our hellos and ran to some stupid meetings. I hate meetings.
At one point she described for me the cancer treatments, (over the phone). “It feels like hundreds of bee stings all over my body. My face looks like a big fat tomato ready to burst at any moment.” I was choking back tears as I visualized the pain she described. She told me that the only food she could eat, (that didn’t make her nauseous) was blueberries. A few minutes later the phone call ended and I cried.
Robin never knew I was coming to see her, but I knew she wouldn’t turn me away when I got there with baskets of blueberries in my arms. I rang the doorbell and waited as I listened to her schnauzers run to the door and bark at me. David followed the chaos. He smiled briefly, and opened the door for me. Robin was sitting in the living room in a comfortable looking recliner with a pretty little pink and white quilt on her lap. She smiled when she saw me with more blueberries than she could possibly eat in a month. She hugged me. We cried. Later we chatted and laughed like we always did on our lunch dates. She was just Robin again, not Robin with cancer. We had blueberries for lunch and we were happy.
(In case you haven't heard of 'Sunday Scribblings' - it is an excellent blog designed to inspire writers with challenging weekly prompts. This week's prompt is the word guide.)
My guide is my Savior
He has numbered the hairs on my head
He has been before me
He knows what to expect
He magnifies the beauty of His creation
He reveals the joy in the journey
He sets a safe course before me
His desire is to guide and protect
As a lighthouse guides the ships at sea
Whew! It seems like coming up with a fitting blog name along with an appropriate blog layout takes much longer than it should! (Maybe it was a subconscious ploy to avoid the inevitable writer's block that comes with trying to write the first post!) Searching through word lists and brainstorming to find something original yet meaningful took several days!
So why flutterbean? Actually, at first I was going to name this blog seabean. We recently spent a week in Kauai and during our hike along the Wailua river we found two little sea beans. I had never heard of them before, but did a little research about them when we came home. Sea beans are carried out to the ocean by freshwater streams and rivers and can drift hundreds of miles with ocean currents until they wash ashore. Isn't that amazing? (Check it out for yourself: sea beans). Many people consider sea beans lucky, and there are all sorts of stories and legends about them. Mine have become my favorite souvenirs from our vacation.
But, for a blog name I thought seabean sounded flat and boring. Here's where the word lists came in. I searched and searched and wrote down the words I liked. When I came across the word flutter I stopped. Flutter made me think of the hummingbirds that I see around San Diego. Before I moved here, I never knew there so many species of humingbirds, and never in my life had I seen one land on the branches of a tree! They are magnificent little birds. That's when it hit me - flutterbean! Sounds perfect! Flutterbean reminds me that even though I'm an adult I'm learning and experiencing new things everyday, and that is the beauty of life!
